It's been a while since I've felt the desire to put pen to pain. Alot has transpired in a span of days here recently in the worldand in my own life I am facing my own storm. However in light of what is going on in our nation I do have a few things to say. Making my comeback to blogging I am starting with a 3-part series regarding the the civil unrest we are experiencing right now. I believe that nothing happens by coincidence, things happens when they're supposed to. I have wanted to bring back my blog for a few months now and didnt find the time, I now realized it wasnt time for my voice to be heard again; now it is.
Before anything I want to first offer hope. In times like these we tend to want to throw up our hands and just give up. We feel like in spite of all our efforts, nothing will change and that's not true! Hope is something that we can always look forward to and believe even when we do not see what we want in the moment, we can be reassured that it will show up.
I want to offer encouragement. For those of us who feel down, angry, scared. I want to let you know that this is your moment to see God and to see yourself be apart of history. The little that we do know, the stories we read about how people handled segregation and hatred. This is your moment to be apart of the new change and possibly create the final solution.
With that being said, let me introduce you to the BRAVVER me. I developled a new languagen and my voice has changed. I've always been vocal and bold but I have found that now it has been elevated to the next level. In this series, you will see, understand and hear that I more raw, direct and unfiltered, unapologetically, nice to meet you and thank you for being here :)
A Time When...
I attended (in my opinion) the most profound and to me prestigious law and government school in the Bronx (The Bronx School for Law Goverment and Justice). It was there in English class we watched A Time to Kill and Rosewood. I walked out on both movies feeling enraged that the color of my skin could perpetrate such hatred, anger and violence. What Did I DO?! I was born in this skin, I didn't make it this way. As I cried for what seemed like days I looked at my lovely Jewish white English teacher with such disdain, I knew then that the world I was being prepared for, I would not be ready to conquer fully. How could I? In that same year I witnessed Amadou Diallo, be shot 41 times by NYC police officers! I wept, why must the color of skin be a catalyst for such igonarant and evil torture? Why must we bear the brunt of your hatred and with insult to injury, infractions are backed by the government? It saddens me each and everytime I hear of law enforcement who willfully kills and doesn't get the reprimand they deserve, it infuriates me.
I go back to the day I watched those videos in high school. I relive the anger, the sadness I felt because I was darker skinned. Not because I didn't love who I was, it was the bewilderment of how my skin color could make someone else treat me like nothing. It's like having a child you necessarily did not want and abusing the child everyday of their lives. Why?! Because you can? They did not ask to be born just as we did not ask to be apart of this nation. I get it though, our royal nature, our compassionate hearts, our love of family and tradition, our riches in wealth and culture that's what attracted them, that's what wooed them to our side and made them believe that if they stripped us of everything we are at the core, we would submit. They could always get over and we would accept it. For years, we've endured the rape, the killings, the lies, the murders, the manipulations, the double standards, the cover ups, yet we are the criminals, thugs, terrorists, gangsters?! Us?! No, we have learned quite well how to manipulate, spin, destroy, destruct from the very hands of the "forefathers". What we did not take into consideration was the reality of us mimicking the terror done to us, we would pay the price times two, theirs and ours.
Now the tables are turing and the seeds that have been sown have sprouted and as the mountain of hatred grows, so is the anger and years of trauma that have been rooted in us and now you are seeing those seeds sprout with strong limbs of mass destruction. That's why the looting, that's why the destruction, that's why the constant tears because
Do you know what is like to wake up in the morning, get yourself dressed, get your kids up, drop them to school, go to work, pick them up come back home and start dinner? If you do, you're white or "priviledged" with that being the only thought or concern.
For us, we get up, get dressed, get our kids up, and we are praying, covering, hoping and asking God to bring everyone back home safe and ALIVE! Indeed, we exist in two worlds and its called The "United" States, but where is the unity or equality? If its okay for an unarmed black person to be killed on sight like a piece of meat slapped on a counter, there is no unity or equality in that. I'm more than tired, I'm more than traumatized, I'm perplexed.
To live in a country that says "Land of the Free home of the BRAVE", free is relative to those that walked up on the scene and took it over, BRAVE are those who were captured, brought over and built this country on their backs and stayed! Created families, cultivated the land and still were never really free. They were just on temporary probation or until the "PO" decides that they want you dead just because they feel like it.
A Time To...
So, what do we/I do now? I know I can pray and at some point I will. I have decided to use one of my greatest weapons (my pen and thoughts) to create an atmosphere of truth, storytelling and dialouge. I want those who do, those who don't, those who will try and those who won't want to understand what this truly means for us to be Black in America. I want to create a platform for voices, storytellers, change makers and agents who desire to see our world become better for the next generations.
Let me clear as a believer I know, trust and understand that God is indeed in control, He never left His post. I also believe He is activating His people to stand in the gap and be on the front lines and there is an assignment for all of us to take part in history. My first call to action is you for you to comment and dialouge with me. Let's discuss how we can be real change agents in this season. If you also feel led, share and invite others to join the conversation. Lastly, I ask that you don't just be consumed with what's going on, consume and create!
Look at me, I'm just a black girl from the Bronx with Power in My Pen, My Stories and My Blackness. It's time to start the conversation, join me!