Ground In Grief

I remember in 2022 had to be the hardest, most challenging and dark times of my entire existence. I experienced death after death, first it was my mother, then my nana two months apart. Then business clients and sales declined slowly. I was working with a NPO consulting company and couldn't keep up and struggled to stay on task. I was SO OVERWHELMED! Then things in my marraige were struggling and I was looking at seperation, it was ROUGH! In late November, I decided I had enough and I was ready to leave this earth.

What was the point anyway! Some will say it is selfish because I have a beautiful daughter but at the time, I was hurting so badly and I felt like I did not have a real purpose in life anymore. My two pillars was gone and it seemed like everything else was dying right along with them so why not add myself to the list. I was at the lowest point of my life and I didn't want to live anymore, life had No More Meaning (Grief had me in a choke hold!) I was barely existing because living made no sense anymore. I felt like I had no direction and although I am a grown woman, I have my birth mom here still, but my mother, the woman who raised, guided, protected and shielded me transitioned. The woman who was there when my mom left to binge, she was tragically taken. I was GONE! I became a shell who longed to feel the presence of home and comfort.

When FAITH is not enough comfort...

Anyone who knows me, knows I am a woman of God, I love God with my whole heart, the Holy Spirit had become just above a whisper and all I could focus on was the comfort of death. I do not know if I would have been reunited with them but I knew this life was not the same for me, I quickly realized that was the point. God used this dark time in my life to ground me and reroute my life back to Him and what He desired for me to do and focus on.

Four things I realized as I was going through the darkest part of my grief:

1. Losing my mother, the woman who developed me into the woman I am, she gave me the tools to be sustainable, independent and have a love for God and family. For that I am most grateful for because that is truly what sustains me when I think of her and how I am raising my daightere.

The Grounding - Helped me realize that I am a reflection of my nana as much as I am God's reflection. He showed me that when I am weak ( in grief) He rises up as strength within me.

2. Tragically losing my nana showed me trauma is real and it made me painfully aware that when things or people are ripped out of my life abruptly, it makes me remember the times when I did not prioritize them. That hurt and hit home and I was angry with God as a result of it.

The Grounding - God showing me that although things leave your life without warning, there is always something left to keep you. Digging deep to find the moments to remember most and grow from those seeds planted.

3. Putting Down my Business was DEVASTATING but Necessary! In 2021, I replaced my previous salary (24k) from my job from 2018-2020. I was projected to double that in 2022 because I was not anticipating what I was about to experience. My business had become my driving focus and I was determined to hit some goals I outlined. With everything that happened, it halted and that drive, passion and motivation dissapeared QUICKLY!

The Grounding- God showed me that what I was currently pursuing was not from Him nor was it glorfying Him. Essentially I was building on my own accord and doing it for green! OUCH! That hurt because I was helping people, in my wheelhouse but I was looking at things from a money persective and not as marketplace ministry perspective and that is why things fell apart. The otherside to that was, I was doing things and feeling frustrated. God revealed that what I was doing was NOT what He wanted me to do. There was a time and place for everything and He needed to reroute me to where He desired me to be. Turns out, it was/is the very things I wanted to do ORIGINALLY but I went in the way of the dollar. God rerouted my dreams, shutdown my business as usual and I am glad for it.

4. I thought I was on the rise in 2021! I was living my best life and I knew that 2022 would be my year I would see my first 6-Figures! I had a passion for my life I wanted to much, little did I know I would be put back in the soil of God's potters wheel. With all I was experiencing, I lost me. I did not who I was, I did not have the identity I thought I had because my identity was in what I did and my accomplishments. My value was in my work and not who I was serving and I was beginning to get desperate to keep up with the trends to make money. .

The Grounding - realizing I cannot and I am not motivated by money, I am motivated by the mission and purpose God designed me for. I found myself going in circles, confused about what I should do, connecting with people that did not take me serous because deep down I didnt take myself serious. I didnt believe that I could do what I know I could. I doubted often. God grounded me in His assurance that I could do what He set forth for me to do, with and through Him. There was areas in my character that needed to be dealt with and strenthened. I had no idea it would bring me back to the workforce. At first I was focused on how long I would be there and I have grown to accept and receive the shifting, and repositioning I needed to be better within my capabilities and as a business owner.

Looking back then to where I am now, God has been Restoring Everything the enemy tried to steal from me including my life! When God restores He can sometimes take you back in order to Elevate you forward to your New and Next Season!

A Chance to ReNew My Passion for Writing, Teaching and Development!

One of my greatest accomplishments that happened In the midst of my grief was I wrote my 8th Book in 3 Days and I published it in April 2023.

Still processing grief, Going back to the workforce to redefine and refine my purpose in the Earth, give me a chance to breath without the pressure of having to "make the sale" helped me to

Re-establish my Kingdom Assignments.

If you identify with this and are wanting and have been looking for ways to leverage your reset phase, tools and implementation strategies to rebuild You and Your Business Powered by Faith, follow me (if you're not already) on Facebook and Instagram @takimahowze.

Also, if you want a headstart on getting the strategies to rebuild your life and business, get your copy of my newest book ( Available via eBook) The 12: Kingdom Principles to Build YOU and a Successful Business.  Over the next 12 days I will be sharing my personal journey on how I overcame the S.A.Dness of the season and how God used my grief to ground me and build me up to become BRAVVER and Better in the midst of my dark period.

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There is more to come, so stay tuned! Until next time, Be You, Stay True and Live BRAVVE!

-Takima